My Farewell to Teaching English

Today I entered a building I have entered dozens of times before, but today was different. Lately this building had given me a sense of disillusionment and anxiety, and this wasn't always the case. For the past 8 months I have been teaching English here and for the most part it has been a beautiful experience. I have amazing partners, I have connected with my kids, Ive had some extra time to do some awesome projects with my school. But recently I have felt my slim understanding of the Moldovan educational system and my own struggles with grammar, have made me less useful in this era of state and school testing....my hookey pookey cant help me much here, so I began feel more and more distant from my school (though I didnt want this). I also felt the looming reality that I will soon be changing programs and leaving my full time position at the school was prompting the staff and my kids to distance themselves from me...and so for the last month I have felt...just not useful. I felt like I was no longer in a position to make my kids laugh, spent time with my partners or participate in the school activities and I admit I snowballed a bit. Our current film project kept me afloat but something was missing.

And than days like today happen, and I woke up. I decided as I opened my eyes that I was still the same teacher I had always been, in love with my kids, finding ways to improve their spirits and consequently their interest in another language, plotting ways to get books for our library, and creating after school activities for the kids.

I mediated before I walked out the door today and I remembered; I remembered all the sacrifices I had made to be here and see these kids everyday. How my Peace Corps acceptance was delayed a whole year because of my medical problems, and how I had to change my whole life to get accepted, my diet, exercise, my alcohol intake, etc.. to rectify this. How even after all this I still needed treatment and I could not afford it (because of course I didnt have insurance) and my mother who had not been able to talk to me about PC for two years decided to pay for my meds and treatment, though it would mean it would take her beloved daughter away to a far off land she knew nothing about. How I pulled myself out of sadness and self-pity and rose to the top of my class so I may one day graduate and be worthy of my dreams. I remembered my father who gave up being an artist, a policeman, a somebody in his native country so that his children could one day say they can pursue their dreams.

So today I walked into my school, and I was awake, and guess what? My classes were great. Im back on track with my plans, and filming marches on. So, Marlene Lopez is bidding farewell to her career as an English teacher in Moldova and is walking away full of memories. She knows she is ending her career like it once began, full of hope.

On to community development :D